BIFF Movie #3 - Miami Connection

This has to be the best bad movie I've ever seen! Absolutely no budget whatsoever, the most ridiculous storyline, corny dialogue spoken by non-actors who didn't even get a script, gaping plotholes and giant leaps in logic.  But fun, funny and hugely entertaining? Hell yeah.

Miami Connection was a movie that the Alama Drafthouse in Texas (co-run by Lars Nilsen who was out here at the Film Fest last year curating a mini-program from his own 'Fantastic Film Fest') bought for $40 off eBay sight unseen.  Running it in their annual marathon of watching the first scene of each movie in their vault, they realised what an amazing opening scene this movie had and investigated further, until they were able to release it to cinemas.  The story behind the movie is pretty amazing - a guy with no money talks a bunch of tae-kwondo instructors into paying him $10,000 each and in return they get to star in the movie.  The director then disappears part way through filming, so one of the tae-kwondo guys decides to finish it himself despite having no filmmaking experience at all and barely speaking English!  And he does a terrible job of his scenes, making the other guy look almost competent.

Set some time in the early 80s in Miami, Florida, the movie inexplicably circles around a group of five friends and martial arts experts who are in a rock band called Dragon Sound.  They write cool songs about being best friends forever, fighting ninjas etc etc.  One of the guys starts dating a girl whose brother is a leader of a gang of goons trying to help a gangster take over the cocaine distribution racket in Miami.  The band then has to continually fight this gang who want them all dead (why? I don't know), another gang led by the disgruntled leader of the former house band at the club, and a pack of black-clad, motor cycle riding ninjas.  Why the gangster bothers with the incompetent goons and doesn't just go straight to the deadly ninjas, we'll never know - except that wouldn't make a very long movie.

Despite the ludicrous plot and the poor direction and editing which means scenes just end and start with no connection, I found it thoroughly enjoyable.  The bad fashion kept me entertained just on its own.  The fight scenes were awful but some of the tae-kwondo practise scenes were pretty good and the big fight at the end with the ninjas was pretty cool and they tried to a get a bit of gore in there with some arms hacked off by swords.   The dialogue was mostly made up by the cast as it was fairly random and stupid, but this gave some of the biggest laughs. Yes, we were laughing AT you, not WITH you, but who cares?  A fun night out - I'm gonna go check eBay and see if I can find it.